Jordan Week 1 Pick’em

MIN @ NO : NO outguns a very undermanned Vikings team. This is a blowout of 3 touchdown proportions.

CLE @ TB : Does anyone actually care about this game? Me neither. Cleveland will win, but it will be sloppy as hell. Expect Harrison to be a horse in this game, piling up over 120 yds.

MIA @ BUF : CJ Spiller’s first NFL game will be a showcase… of injury. For some reason, my prediction is that he gets hurt AND Ronnie Brown gets hurt as well. Miami wins on the legs of Ricky Williams.

CIN @ NE : NE wins this one, but not by much. CIN rolls out an improved offense, and everyone remembers why they love Carson Palmer.

IND @ HOU : All offense. Houston wins in a stunning upset, announcing the beginning of the end of the “Peyton manning wins everything ALL the time,” era.

DEN @ JAC : Who cares? Tebow runs a touchdown. Denver wins by 6. Someone does a mile-high solute or a damn Lambo Leap.

ATL @ PIT : All Atlanta, all the time. Hello, Mr. White.

OAK @ TEN : Jesus Christ Super T-Shirt– this could be ugly. No one wins, besides Chris Johnson.

CAR @ NYG : I hate Eli Manning, so, on principle, I am predicting that the Giants lose. Sorry, but this could be a trend…

DET @ CHI : Who gives a fuck? Mike Martz– that’s who. Bears turn the ball over lots but score even more. Da’ Bears win.

ARI @ STL : Bad teams that used to feature Kurt Warner. Fitzgerald is still alive, though, which gives ARI the slight edge. 3 point spread.

GB @ PHI : God, I hope that Aaron Rogers is amazing this year. I also hope that Andy Reid, the fatest bastard in the NFL, gets his fatass fired. Packers by 14.

SF @ SEA : Gore running. Crabtree and Davis catching. SF winning.

DAL @ WAS : Rivalry games don’t matter if the opposing team is fucking awful. Dallas wins this one in Jerry Jones fashion. They still lose in the Super Bowl.

BAL @ NYJ: Jets win, but Revis is shakey.

SD @ KC: Chiefs win on the legs of Charles. Sproles runs 2 back. Merriman strangles Tila Tequila again. God swallows SD and KC with worms, like in Tremors.

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2 Comments

Filed under Pick 'Em

2 responses to “Jordan Week 1 Pick’em

  1. Alright, I see how it is. I was going to take it easy on your picks. But you have given me good reason to call you out.

    1) Denver wins, I agree. Tebow scores? My ass. The kid doesn’t see the field. He’s not even allowed to wear a headset for the first 8 games. If anything, he is a glorified fullback that will only be seen running a stumbling wildcat. I cant wait for him to try his little jump shot pass in the NFL and wake up in 4 years from a blitz induced coma.

    2) I picked the Giants because they will win the game. Probably. Eli’s a douche though, so I don’t really disagree here.

    3) St. Louis pulls it together enough to win. Jackson makes up for any lack of passing game. Remember that one time Derek Anderson got benched for Brady Quinn, yeah.

    4) Revis will not be the same for a few weeks. Sanchez has no one to throw to til Week 5. And without Thomas Jones, the Jets running game has lost its edge. Meanwhile, Flacco is constantly improving, has Mason, Boldin, Housh, and Stallworth as his 1-4 receivers, and Ray Rice is roughly 65% machine.

    5) KC over the Chargers? I defy you to name 3 players on the Chiefs other than Charles and Bowe. Do it. You cant. I know you cant. And there is no use cheating, because i’m sure ESPN and NFL.com dont know either.

    • 1) I never said how he would score.

      2) Win or not, you have to be a principled Cowboys fan; picking the Giants to win anything is akin to bludgeoning a small child with a rusty butter knife: Everyone feels uncomfortable with the event, but no one knows how to make it stop.

      3) Derek Anderson got benched for Brady Quinn, yes. He also supplanted a Southern California golden child, Leinert, who doesn’t even play for that team anymore. Glamour QBs always get the chance, which is just good business; one doesn’t invest millions of jesus dollars in a signing bonus without at least examining the product they’ve bought. Where’s Quinn now? Thought so. It’s a circus out there, with Anderson as Jeff Garcia Redux.

      4) Stallworth is hurt, you douche, and, let’s be honest with ourselves, how reliable are Mason and Housh? I mean, I love Golden Boldin, who is 66% machine, but, really, that’s not goint to be enough against a defensive mastermind and a celebrity offense.

      5) Matt Cassel. The Human Joy Stick. An Old, Veteran Running Back.

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