MIN @ NO : NO outguns a very undermanned Vikings team. This is a blowout of 3 touchdown proportions.
CLE @ TB : Does anyone actually care about this game? Me neither. Cleveland will win, but it will be sloppy as hell. Expect Harrison to be a horse in this game, piling up over 120 yds.
MIA @ BUF : CJ Spiller’s first NFL game will be a showcase… of injury. For some reason, my prediction is that he gets hurt AND Ronnie Brown gets hurt as well. Miami wins on the legs of Ricky Williams.
CIN @ NE : NE wins this one, but not by much. CIN rolls out an improved offense, and everyone remembers why they love Carson Palmer.
IND @ HOU : All offense. Houston wins in a stunning upset, announcing the beginning of the end of the “Peyton manning wins everything ALL the time,” era.
DEN @ JAC : Who cares? Tebow runs a touchdown. Denver wins by 6. Someone does a mile-high solute or a damn Lambo Leap.
ATL @ PIT : All Atlanta, all the time. Hello, Mr. White.
OAK @ TEN : Jesus Christ Super T-Shirt– this could be ugly. No one wins, besides Chris Johnson.
CAR @ NYG : I hate Eli Manning, so, on principle, I am predicting that the Giants lose. Sorry, but this could be a trend…
DET @ CHI : Who gives a fuck? Mike Martz– that’s who. Bears turn the ball over lots but score even more. Da’ Bears win.
ARI @ STL : Bad teams that used to feature Kurt Warner. Fitzgerald is still alive, though, which gives ARI the slight edge. 3 point spread.
GB @ PHI : God, I hope that Aaron Rogers is amazing this year. I also hope that Andy Reid, the fatest bastard in the NFL, gets his fatass fired. Packers by 14.
SF @ SEA : Gore running. Crabtree and Davis catching. SF winning.
DAL @ WAS : Rivalry games don’t matter if the opposing team is fucking awful. Dallas wins this one in Jerry Jones fashion. They still lose in the Super Bowl.
BAL @ NYJ: Jets win, but Revis is shakey.
SD @ KC: Chiefs win on the legs of Charles. Sproles runs 2 back. Merriman strangles Tila Tequila again. God swallows SD and KC with worms, like in Tremors.