Brevity is the soul of wit. It’s also the soul of this post. I’m over my head in PBR, origami, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall– that Jason Segel is so goddamn funny. Seriously. And it’s 3:30pm. Seriously.
Here’s what you need to know.
Kevin Walter: Can you say beast mode? Okay. That was too obvious. He’s only 2 receptions and 20-odd yards short of Andre Johnson. He’s comparable to my man, Welker, only he hasn’t fucked his knee up six ways from Sunday, and is on a team that relies on being offensively awesome. Which is funny. At any rate, he is a definite start this week, especially since he’s playing the pass-happy, defense-shy Cowboys. A Texas-sized shootout is in store for this game, with only you to be the beneficiary.
Mark Clayton: As far as St. Louis’s season goes, it’s FUBAR. But……. he is the only consistent receiver on a team that is always coming from behind. Pun intended. Clayton is sure handed and is playing for a team that is investing heavily in its pre-pubescent passing game. His quarterback is not going to put up good number, but Clayton certainly will. Don’t worry: He’s good for at least 10pts, in a normal scoring league. Unless he gets injured, which I can’t possibly predict. Sorry.
Now that I’ve had some more Segel and PBR face time, here’s my Sit ‘Em:
Jerome Harrison: He’s on a bad relationship with an organization that likes him only just enough to pacify him, but not enough to make him feel loved. That’s like a lot of relationships I know, and is a reason you shouldn’t go with him. Sure, they might make him feel good this week by getting handsy with him, but no matter how much he pisses and moans and groans, the Browns are content to suck– at the relationship side of things, not the intimate side of things.
Mike Wallace: I love this young stud and think that he’s going to be a star in the mold of DeSean Jackson. That’s a good thing, right? Well…. not if your quarterback is confused all the time. Seriously. Sorry kids, but if you bought into the Wallace thing, save him for later. Who knows, maybe he’s like a wine or something, waiting for Big Ben to uncork his abilities.
RANDOM TIP: If you want your favorite team to win this week, go to church. It worked for Andrew for an entire season of the Cowboys.